My Characters Talk Too Much: How to Write Less Dialogue

Have you ever noticed that your characters spend way too much time talking?

Even during the action scenes, do you write more dialogue than you should?

From my own experience, too much dialogue a pretty common issue.

It’s like a phase that every writer goes through. You figure out, “hey, dialogue is pretty fun to write,” and then suddenly you can’t write anything else.

When I was younger, my stories were about 90% dialogue. But now, I’m making a conscious effort to put less dialogue in my stories.

And you know what?

Once you learn how to do it, it’s really not that hard.

So in today’s post, I’m going to go over some of the tricks and techniques that I’ve learned, to help you mix up your story with dialogue, action, and prose.

Why Your Dialogue to Prose Ratio Matters

Simply put, unless you’re trying very hard to write a novel that is 100% dialogue, all that talking will get in the way of your story.

Take a look at this passage:

“Can I have some grapes?” I asked.

“Sure,” Jane said. “They’re on the table.”

“Thanks,” I said. I ate a grape. “Wow, these taste amazing. They’re so fresh and juicy.”

“I know, right? Jake and I bought them from farmer’s market last Saturday.”

I frowned in confusion. “I thought it was raining last Saturday.”

“Not in the morning,” she laughed. “It didn’t start raining until the afternoon, remember?”

Of course, this exchange is super rough. (I just came up with it off the top of my head.) But there are a few things I want to point out about this writing style.

First of all, don’t worry if this is what your writing looks like. We’ve all been there.

Secondly, notice how much this section depends on the conversation. The writer is focused so much on what the characters are saying that we don’t know anything about the setting.

• Is it daytime? What time of day?
• What else is in the room besides the grapes?
• Is Jane sitting at a table, or doing handstands against the wall?

When we do get details, they’re shoved into the dialogue.

For example, we don’t experience how the grapes are fresh and juicy. We learn that detail because it’s shoved into the conversation.

This is because the writer is in dialogue mode. And dialogue mode is hard to turn off.

We’ll talk about how to fix all these things in a minute.

But for now, just remember that it’s easy to get sucked into dialogue mode. It doesn’t make you a bad writer. It just means you haven’t learned how to turn off your inner dialogue mode yet.

While I was researching this topic, I found a list of some various novels, and what percentage of each novel was dialogue. Here are some of the numbers:

Murder at the Vicarage (Christie)	59.16% dialogue
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (Doyle)	46.95%
The Da Vinci Code (Brown)	29.59%
The Old Man and the Sea (Hemingway)	15.03%
To The Lighthouse (Woolf)	3.27%

That’s right– Virginia Woolf’s story “To the Lighthouse” is only 3.27% dialogue.

(Here’s a link to the original research if you want to see more: https://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=35968.)

Long story short, depending on your genre, it’s usually best to aim for somewhere around 45% dialogue, or 55% for YA/MG fiction.

That’s a lot less dialogue than you’d think.

If a beginner writer thinks their story is “dialogue heavy,” it’s probably at least 85% talking.

If you’re looking to grow as a writer, one skill you’ll have to learn eventually is to cut back on the chatter and spend more time writing details, action, and other prose.

So let’s take a look at how to cut out unnecessary talking. Then we’ll talk about how to break up the remaining dialogue with action and details.

Cut It Out: How to Make Your Characters Shut Up

If your story has a lot of extra talking, the simplest way to fix it is to cut the chatter.

Here are five ways to narrow down the conversations in your story.

1. Take Out Most Unnecessary Conversations

Of course, you can keep a couple of off-topic conversations, if you’re using them to further develop your characters.

But don’t keep every single rabbit trail conversation.

Go through your story and mark all of the conversations that deal with anything except the plot, subplot, and immediate challenges in the story (like finding food, treating wounds, etc).

Then take out as much of the unnecessary dialogue as you can.

For example, a conversation between the hero and the villain’s henchman, where the hero learns the villain’s whereabouts, could be important. So keep that one.

A conversation between the hero and the sidekick, where they discuss the merits of blue cheese, is a lot less important. You can keep it if you REALLY want to, just don’t keep three useless chats about cheese in the same story.

2. Remember Their Personalities

Since the majority of fictional heroes tend to be introverts, why are they all so chatty?

When you have a character who thrives on attention, they will probably talk a lot. But remember the flip side of that– if you have an introverted character, they probably won’t feel like talking all the time.

Also, keep in mind that not all introverts are quiet. We come on a spectrum.

Try jotting down an introvert to extrovert spectrum of all your characters, and how quiet/talkative they are around the main character. Then write your dialogue accordingly.

Once you feel comfortable with that, add another level to it. How do all the side characters interact with each other?

Maybe the villain talks more when the sidekick is around, because the sidekick is cute. Or the hero’s mom always goes quiet when the love interest is nearby, because she has beef with the love interest’s aunt.

No need to tell your readers about these details. Leave it as an Easter egg for them to find on their own.

3. Consider the Context

What happened in the scene before this one? What’s going to happen in the next chapter?

When you have three scenes in a row that are very dialogue heavy, consider alternating talking scenes with action/prose scenes.

In some cases, you don’t need to cut out the dialogue. You just need to pace it with some action or detail-driven scenes.

So if you have a dialogue bit that you really want to keep, and you can’t trim it down any further, just make sure to sandwich it in between two scenes that have very little talking. That way, they balance each other out.

4. No On-The-Nose Answers

On-the-nose answers are pretty common in real life.

If someone says “Thanks,” you say, “You’re welcome.” If someone asks, “Are you ready to go?” You can either say “yes” or “no.”

However, fiction is not real life. So stay away from dialogue that just states the obvious.

The first thing you’ll want to do is go through your story and look for questions and answers. That’s usually where you can find a lot of on-the-nose dialogue.

Here’s an example of on-the-nose answers:

“Are you finished eating?” Marla asked as she wiped her mouth with a napkin.

“Yes.”

“Good,” she said, pushing her chair back. “Me too.”

We paid for our meal and walked out the door.

See how there’s no conflict? The characters say exactly what they mean, and the whole thing feels like a game of ping pong.

If you find a lot of on-the-nose conversations in your story, try one of these tricks to break it up:

• One of the characters is lying, or telling a half-truth. (“Are you finished eating?” “Yes,” I said as I stuffed a roll into my pocket, to eat as soon as her back was turned.)
• Answer a question with a question. (“Are you finished eating?” “Are you going to mind your own business?”)
• Replace the answer with action/body language. (“Are you finished eating?” With a nod, I put my napkin on the table and pushed my chair back.)
• Use silence. (“Are you finished eating?” The air fell silent between us, and I stared at her in disbelief, stunned that she would even ask such a thing.)

That brings me to my next point:

5. Silence is Golden

One of the most powerful tools in a conversation is silence.

Depending on the circumstances, it can convey grief, anger, fear, confusion, anticipation, guilt, and so much more.

Instead of a character bursting into an emotional tirade, insert a minute of silence into the dialogue.

Sometimes, when I’m in a rush, I write something like [[angry silence]] or [[awkward silence]] in the story, so I remember what I want the silence to feel like when I edit it. Then I skip ahead and keep writing dialogue.

Also, match the level of silence with the tone of this particular scene. A conversation between two mourners at a funeral will have a lot more silence than a frantic mother telling policemen about her missing child.

Remember, silence is golden, because that’s where we put all the other fun stuff like action and details.

How to Add Action and Details

Okay, so you’ve removed all the unnecessary dialogue, and you’ve added some breaks and silences into the conversations.

Now what?

When you’re writing a story, the three main types of writing you can use are dialogue, action, and details.

Of course, dialogue is the part where the characters talk out loud to each other. But what about action and details?

Action is the part of writing that’s full of verbs, and has a lot of — you guessed it — action. Think of a car chase, a sword fight, or a scene where the character is running from something.

Details are the gentler side of writing. This is where you find the poetic side of the story, the adjectives and sweeping clouds and raindrops pattering on the leaves.

It’s very rare to have one of these elements (dialogue, action, and details) by themselves.

And if you try to write without one of the elements, everyone will point it out to you. People like to read books that contain all three elements.

So you’ve cut back on the dialogue. Now it’s time to add the next element: Action.

Writing Action

If your story was dialogue heavy up to this point, chances are, the action in your story comes in spurts. You probably have a couple of action-packed scenes, but the rest of the action is nestled into the dialogue.

Never fear. Here are three ways to add more action to your story:

1. Let the characters make choices.

How many times is the main character actually calling the shots?

Let the main character be the main character and make their own decisions, which then create a chain of consequences.

For example, in the Lord of the Rings, two of the hobbits get bored while Gandalf tries to unlock the doors of Moria. They start throwing rocks into the pond, which then awakens the water monster that nearly kills Frodo.

They made a decision, and that decision accidentally made their situation worse. Plus, it adds action at a spot where the story could have stalled out.

If you’re not sure how your main character could make a decision, try some brainstorming. Let’s say your character wakes up in the middle of the night with a stomach ache, and they’re out of all the normal remedies. How do they ease their pain? Now how could the situation get worse?

Boom. Action.

2. Use the silence.

Remember how we talked about adding silence to dialogue?

There are two ways to put action into a dialogue break: a character action or an external action.

For a character action, maybe they fiddle with their necktie, or take a long sip of coffee.

Here’s a list of character actions that you can use to fill the silence: https://www.writerswrite.co.za/60-things-for-your-characters-to-do-when-they-talk-or-think/

For example, let’s say the characters are cleaning while they talk, and silence hits. If the character feels angry, maybe they knock over a picture frame while dusting. If they’re anxious, they bite their lip and start sweeping like there’s no tomorrow.

If you already know what your characters are doing while they talk, here’s a list of facial expressions: https://www.bryndonovan.com/2015/04/10/master-list-of-gestures-and-body-language-for-writers/

For an external action, think of how something in the environment could affect the characters. It can be obvious, like an explosion, or a minor issue, like a spilled drink.

3. Focus on the verbs.

Action is based on movement and verbs.

First, you need to picture what your character is doing. Second, you need to use the right verbs to make the action pop.

I actually wrote a post about using active verbs in your story, which you can read HERE.

Remember, you can add action to the dialogue, using dialogue tags and silences. You can also add more action scenes to your story, to help buffer out the talking bits.

And if you’re writing a fight scene, be sure to check out my friend Ethan’s post on combat writing HERE.

So we’ve cut back on the dialogue, and added some more action. Now it’s time to sprinkle in some details!

Adding Details to Your Story

There are a lot of different ways to use details in your story. And while I plan on writing about this again at a later date, here are a few quick ways to get started with detail.

Details are what helps your reader see and feel the story, as if they are the character.

The biggest tip I have for you when it comes to writing detail is to USE VERBS. Verbs verbs verbs!

One verb does so much more than a long string of adjectives.

The second most important tip is to pick the right details.

We might not need to know that the villain’s eyes are brown, but we should know if it’s daytime/nighttime, what the basic setting is, and the main character’s gender. (One time, I read four chapters of a book, picturing the hero as a young man, but it was actually a twelve year old girl the whole time. It was disorienting to say the least.)

To write good details:

• Come up with the top 3 things that the reader should picture in their heads, like the setting, daytime/nighttime, and any relevant objects in the room (i.e. a lantern that will later set the building on fire).
• How can your character experience these things using their five senses? (Sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell.) Brainstorm some different options.
• Now write the detail as an action, if you can.

Ha! You thought details were different than actions?

Turns out, some of the best details are written as actions.

“The trees were blossoming” becomes “pink blossoms sprung from the trees.”

“I heard an owl in the trees” –> “An owl cried out in the treetops above me.”

“He wore a tight black jacket” –> “His broad shoulders strained against his black jacket.”

When in doubt, describe what the sun is doing. Is it hiding behind an impenetrable veil of fog, or is it beating down on the broken rocks?

Once you have some details, mix them throughout your dialogue and action.

A good rule of thumb is to put the biggest details early in the scene, and the smaller details later.

If a scene takes place in a hot air balloon, you should mention that right away. The color of the sidekick’s shirt can wait until later.

And just like any part of writing, the more you practice, the better you’ll get!

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Happy New Year!

I hope you enjoyed this post. It was fun to write!

Do you struggle with writing too much dialogue? How do you overcome this in your own writing? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you guys next time with a brand new post!

~Lauryn

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