Writing a Manipulative Character: What You Need to Know

Manipulative characters. We’ve all seen them.

Maybe it’s emotional, maybe it’s psychological. But one way or another, manipulation is a favorite tool of fictional characters everywhere.

However, there are a lot of poorly written manipulators out there. So here is the Pro Story Builder’s guide to writing a manipulative character.

Please note that this post contains some spoilers for Death Note (the anime), Tangled, and Spiderman: Far From Home. These spoilers will be clearly labelled, and I will also put a green bar next to them,

Like this,

So you can skip over them if you want.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Trust is Vital

This is step number one. If you’re writing a manipulative character, their victims need to trust them.

A manipulative person will work hard to build trust, before doing anything else.

When you’re writing, you can show the character gaining trust by:

• Saving their future victims from something bad (maybe a monster or a natural disaster)
• Helping others with their personal lives (i.e. they set up a blind date, or give good financial advice)
• Acting like an ally
• Sharing secrets with them

Once your characters trust the manipulator, they are easier to fool.

Common Signs of Manipulation

There are several common signs to help you tell if you’re being manipulated, and it’s a good idea to know these signs before you sit down to write a manipulative character.

The line between psychological and emotional manipulation is a bit blurry. A good manipulator will use both, so I haven’t separated them here.

Some common signs of manipulation include:

1. They get their victim away from familiar territory.

This might be as simple as “Let’s meet at my house,” or as complex as taking them to another country. Anything that makes the victim feel out of place.

2. They isolate.

A manipulative person does not want their victim to seek outside counsel or get comfort from someone else.

We can see an extreme example of this in cults, where the cult members are cut off from the outside world.

This may be physical isolation, like Rapunzel’s tower in Tangled, or it may be emotional isolation. Either way, the goal is to keep the victim away from the outside world.

3. They become super close, super fast.

Manipulative people have one objective: to get what they want.

If they have experience with manipulating others, they’ll know how effective friendship can be.

The manipulator’s goal is to become their victim’s only friend. This can easily lead to sabotaging the person’s other friendships and relationships, just so they can be “the only friend.”

Also, if your characters are in a relationship, the manipulator would display a lot of possessive, jealous behaviors.

4. They poke fun at their victim’s insecurities.

They’ll say it’s just teasing, or it’s just their opinion. On the surface, it sounds like a joke, but it’s meant to cause the victim to think, “I’m not good enough. I’m dumb. I’m incompetent. I shouldn’t trust myself.”

• As you’re thinking about your character, make sure that this lines up with their personality. Some characters might frame this as teasing, but other characters might be a lot more upfront about it.
• It might take months or even years for the victim to realize, “These feelings aren’t my fault. I believe I’m ugly/dumb/stupid because this person told me I was.” Don’t be afraid to stretch things out over time.

5. They guilt trip.

Every manipulator does this.

This includes statements that sound like, “If you weren’t so careless, I wouldn’t be hurt right now,” or, “This is your fault because you didn’t trust me.”

Any time something goes wrong, they do everything they can to make their victim feel guilty about it. And if they get caught, they push the blame onto someone else.

Keep in mind, they might be doing this on purpose (if someone backs them into a corner and they have to save their own skin), or they might not even realize they’re doing it.

Your character’s personality and the specific scene are the most important details here. Does your character think about who to blame before they act? Or do they just blame everything on their victim, regardless of what it is?

Common Traits of a Manipulative Character

When you’re writing a manipulator, make sure to include some of these common character traits.

• They can mimic an emotional attachment, without actually caring about the other person. (This one’s important. They’re good at faking friendships, crushes, or even a loving marriage, in order to connect with their potential victims.)
• They are liars. If they’re good at manipulating people, you’ll never question anything they say. They can lie so easily, most of their lies fly right under the radar.

• Their goals are all centered around power and control. This person would never dream of having a healthy relationship with their spouse, because that requires for them to be selfless once in a while. A manipulator dreams about becoming a ruler, or having complete control over their family and friends.
• Manipulators are good at conversation. In order to manipulate, they have to know how conversation works, and how to blend in. A character who struggles with small talk will not have much success controlling others.
• They’re able to read body language and small verbal cues.

Manipulators are narcissists and completely self-obsessed. In their eyes, everyone else is dumb, and they are the only ones who are competent enough to take control.

Once they have control, they have to constantly tighten that grip so their victims can’t escape.

This makes their narcissism worse. When they have a victim who is completely dependent on them, the manipulator can say things like, “I can’t just let you go. I need to control your life. Look at how much you need me. You could never survive without me.”

Seeing the victim helpless gives the manipulator a big ego boost, which makes them feel powerful, and they want to continue their manipulation.

Once someone starts manipulating others, they get such an ego boost that it’s almost impossible for them to stop.

Similarly, they don’t show any empathy. From small things like holding the door for someone, to bigger things like harassing others, the manipulator just doesn’t care if it hurts your feelings.

Two Types of Manipulators

According to Sharie Stines, in an article with TIME magazine, there are two types of manipulators: the victim and the bully.

• If the manipulator is playing the victim, he is trying to make you feel sorry for him, so that you’ll do what he wants.
• If the manipulator is the bully, she will yell and kick and scream until you give in and let her have what she wants. (Usually we call these tantrums.)

Your manipulative character should switch back and forth between the two, depending on the situation.

For example, they try the victim card first, but nobody falls for it, so they turn into the bully.

Example: Mother Gothel

I’m not sure who hasn’t seen Tangled yet, but just in case, here’s your spoiler warning.

Mother Gothel has a pretty clear reason to keep Rapunzel as her daughter. And no, it’s not because she loves her as a person.

Rapunzel’s hair has the ability to keep Mother Gothel young forever. In order to stay young, Mother locks Rapunzel in a tower and manipulates her for the first sixteen years of her life.

Here are some of the things Mother Gothel does to manipulate Rapunzel:

~Physically traps her in a tower (isolation)

~Keeps her from learning the truth about her past

~Uses fear to keep Rapunzel from leaving

~Keeps Rapunzel away from meeting other people (setting herself up as Rapunzel’s only friend)

~Doesn’t care about Rapunzel’s wellbeing, only her hair

~Teases her and calls her “sloppy, underdressed, immature, clumsy,” “ditzy,” etc.

~Plays the victim early on, then switches to the bully once Rapunzel rebels

Not only does Rapunzel have to gain physical distance from her “mother,” but she also has to get some emotional distance in order to break free from Mother Gothel.

Not Every Manipulator Feels Guilty

It’s important to remember that these characters don’t always feel bad.

They are pursuing their goals.

They don’t see themselves as bad guys.

So when your character is manipulating someone else, they tell themselves, “I’m working towards my goal. The ends justify the means.”

Example: Light Yagami

Light Yagami is the villain and the main character in the anime Death Note.

If you haven’t seen Death Note and you want to write a manipulative character, you need to watch Death Note. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Plus, Light is extremely good at manipulating other people.

• (Tip: You can watch the Japanese version with English subtitles for free on Tubi.tv. This is not sponsored, I just thought I would share. https://tubitv.com/series/1630/death-note The English dub is also on Netflix.)

Let’s talk about what makes Light such a good manipulator. Spoiler warning starting now.

The premise of the Death Note is simple. Light finds a notebook on the ground that will allow him to kill anyone, just by writing their name in the notebook. (He also has to picture their face while writing their name.)

Light’s goal is to keep using the Death Note without getting caught. In order to do this, he manipulates almost every other character in order to get what he wants.

Light:

~Gains the trust of the police detectives, so he essentially has their protection

~Takes advantage of other people’s love to make them do horrible things (including murder)

~Works hard to get the sympathy of others to clear his name

~Physically and mentally manipulates people using the Death Note

~Emotionally manipulates Misa Amane and Kiyomi Takada by making them believe he loves them, then using them to reach his own goals

~Attempts to manipulate L, by using peer pressure to “prove” his innocence

~Switches from playing the victim to the bully as needed.

Light Yagami is a very skilled manipulator, and may have won against L and Near, if he hadn’t made a couple of critical mistakes early on in the series. If you want to write a character who is manipulative, pay attention to Light Yagami.

Now, let’s go back to how you can write a manipulative character.

Use Subtle Signs

Manipulation is not hypnosis.

It doesn’t happen instantly, it’s a process that can sometimes be dragged out over several years.

For example, in Tangled–

Mother Gothel has been able to manipulate Rapunzel since the princess was a baby. She spent years teaching her to stay in the tower. It wasn’t an overnight decision to lock up Rapunzel.

The devil’s in the details. Remember, your other characters are being fooled by this person, so don’t make it too obvious right away. Instead, try using lots of small details sprinkled throughout the story.

Here are some ideas you could include:

• The manipulator is walking somewhere with their victim. For whatever reason (the dark, the steep road, the victim is tipsy), the victim can’t walk well, so the manipulator holds their hand and guides them.
• The manipulator says, multiple times, “Just trust me.”
• The victim trips once, and the manipulator gives them a new nickname for it, like “Clumsy” or “Clod.” They always grin and wink when they say it, so the victim just laughs along with them.
• When it’s just the two of them, the manipulator is always oversharing. Anything from, “Ugh I forgot to brush my teeth this morning,” to “You know, ever since my brother died, you’ve been the only light in my life.”

Some examples of this in Spiderman: Far From Home–

In the scene where Peter first meets Mysterio, Mysterio instantly shares about his “family’s” death. Later, Mysterio teases Peter about his plan to kiss MJ. He acts friendly, in order to get what he wants– EDITH. It isn’t until he gets EDITH that Mysterio starts acting like a bully.

In general, manipulators are great listeners. If you tell them something personal about yourself, they will remember it.

They also flip back and forth between flattery and belittling others. So in one scene, they butter up the victim, calling them smart and talented and funny.

Then in the very next scene, they insult the victim and belittle them, saying things like, “Your shirt’s unbuttoned. Can’t take care of yourself, can you?”

Usually, manipulators have two goals. They want trust, and they want absolute control.

To write about a manipulative character, the small details work best until your character gets absolute power over their victims. Then you can switch over to more obvious details like shouting, blackmail, and physical abuse.

Remember, the manipulator is trying to reach a certain goal, and they will not rest until they reach it.

Heroes Can Manipulate Too

Although it’s not the best option from a moral standpoint, manipulation works.

Don’t forget, everyone in your story can learn how to manipulate others.

Of course, once your hero starts manipulating other people, that makes them less of a hero. Manipulation involves hurting someone else, in order to gain power over them. If your hero manipulates all their friends and family, the reader won’t think very highly of them.

Maybe that’s a good thing. The hero is so desperate, they start to use manipulation tactics against everyone else. They slowly become more and more like the villain.

Then you can make the decision: do they become a villain in their own story? Or do they catch themselves and stop the behavior, before things go too far?

Include (Or Hint At) The Victim’s Recovery

It’s very traumatizing to be used by a manipulative person.

Now, I’m not saying that you should write multiple chapters where all the characters go to therapy. That probably won’t fit in your story.

You might want to mention how your characters get help afterward, though.

It could be as simple as giving them a real friend who helps them feel valued, or your character could work on giving themselves some positive affirmations.

Your character might show signs of depression or PTSD, depending on how severe the manipulation was.

It’s important to show some hope for characters that have been manipulated.

Your readers may be in an abusive or manipulative relationship. If your characters just sit back and take the abuse, that can be extremely discouraging to your readers.

So at the least, try to get your characters away from their manipulator by the end of the story. Or, give them a good support system. Or both.

Your story could inspire someone to stand up for themselves. This is an amazing opportunity for you to make a big difference in someone’s life!

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What is your stance on manipulative characters? Have you tried writing them before? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

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